The Good and the Bad

I was thinking about where my TTC/TTCAL journey has taken me over the last 11 months today. It's been very difficult but I admit there are good things that came from it. So here it is, the good and the bad:
The BAD:
1. I will never feel the innocence of being pregnant again. The next time (God willing) I get a BFP I will be worried sick about losing my baby.
2. Every time I think of August I am filled with sadness. That's when I should be meeting my baby.
3. I have isolated myself because I've realized that many of my friends don't give me the kind of support I need.
4. I have 15 lbs of baby weight and no effing baby.
5. I have an anger and sadness inside of me that I'm not sure will ever go away. It's very hard for me to pray.
6. I have seen so much hurt and heartache and unfairness since my loss. The crack whore on the street can have a healthy baby, but my TTCAL girls must suffer multiple losses. WTF?
I could probably go on, but I want this to be a more positive post :).

Now for the GOOD:
1. I love my husband more than I ever imagined I could love him. This experience has brought us closer than ever.
2. I have made wonderful, amazing friends on TTCAL. I never imagined I could receive so much support from people I don't even know in real life.
3. I have an adorable puppy. I'm know DH wouldn't have agreed to getting Shorty before our loss. I've been trying to talk him into it for almost 3 years!
4. I feel like a stronger person once I get past all the sadness.
5. I am not naive to the cruelty of the universe.
6. When I finally (God willing) hold a healthy baby in my arms I will be even more grateful because of the long road it took me to get there.