We have a date!

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and my OB is scheduling me for a c-section on Monday, July 23. Wow! That's exactly 4 weeks from today. I can't believe she will be here so soon. I am so excited.

 35 weeks!

Of course I still worry every day that something will go wrong, but I've gotten a lot better. I got the book that my yoga instructor read from and I want to share a passage with you. The book is Journey to the Heart, by Melody Beattie. The passage is called "Don't Worry."

"Worrying doesn't help. Our worries haven't prevented one disaster along the way. At times, the only thing they've prevented is our joy. Our worries are fear. We say, I will worry and be fearful until things have worked out, only then can I relax and enjoy. Our worries are self-punishment, a form of not forgiving ourselves, not loving ourselves, not trusting. 

We may think that worrying helps ward off trouble, but that's an illusion. Sometimes worrying brings troubles upon us, because we're so caught up in our fear that we don't take the responsible steps we need to take. By neglecting our lives due to worry and fear, we may bring needless consequences upon ourselves. 

The lesson is trust. When we're trusting, we let go of our fear, confident that what we want and need will come. We trust that if what comes appears to be trouble or hardship, we will get what we need to get through that, too. When we trust, we get peaceful first, before we get what we want, before we see what the future brings. 


Worry and fear are the opposite of love.
Love yourself more that you ever have.
Love yourself enough to stop worrying.
Love yourself enough to give yourself the gift of peace."

Powerful, huh?

Much better

I am so grateful that I had a much better week health wise. My gallbladder still hurt a lot, but nothing unbearable, and thankfully my digestion and everything else is back to normal. I'm keeping the hemmies under control so no bleeding there either. I also gained 3 pounds! My OB was pleased because I hadn't gained in a couple weeks. People keep telling me how small I look and how great I look for being over 30 weeks pregnant. I've only gained about 22 pounds now. I usually respond by telling them I've had a lot of health issues and haven't been able to eat a whole lot. I don't want people thinking I'm vain and I've been watching my weight- because that is definitely NOT the case! I'm grateful that most of my weight is in my belly, but this gallbladder pain and diarrhea have been awful and I would trade them for weight gain any day. 

I did a lot of research last week about a c-section vs. a vaginal delivery with fibroids. My OB and I talked about it more at my appointment last week. We decided the safest way to get baby T here is by c-section. I have so many fibroids that there is the possibility that there could be some blocking the birth canal. There is just no way to see them all on ultrasound, especially with the baby there too. The last thing I want is to try a vaginal birth and have her get stuck or have me hemorrhage because of a fibroid. Of course, there is the possibility that my OB will make the c-section incision and there will be a bunch of fibroids in her way there too, but at least she will be prepared and the baby will not be in distress. I went back and forth- but I am okay with a c-section. Whatever gets her here! We discussed July 25, but it is not set in stone yet. That is only 5 weeks away. OMG. I'm going to have a baby in 5 weeks or less. Crazy.

I still have a small neighborhood baby shower and a shower with my in-laws, so we haven't finished the nursery yet. We started it- but right now it's filled with boxes and bags because we don't want to open anything until the showers are over. We do have a crib, just no mattress yet. It's still so surreal to me. My anxiety and worry have been better. I still have days where I worry about stillbirth or something happening to her now, but I try to stop myself. I took a prenatal yoga class last week and the instructor read a poem about worry during class. The message was wonderful. It was about how worrying is robbing yourself of joy. I ordered the book it was in so I will share it with you when it comes. This was my first yoga class and I loved it. I wish I would've started sooner. I wasn't very good at it because I'm not flexible, but I still enjoyed the relaxation. I'm bummed that there is no class this week but I will definitely go back next week. In the meantime I hope to enjoy these last few weeks with my baby girl kicking and moving inside me. I'm the luckiest person in the world!

More sickness (lots of TMI)

This past week was another rough one for me. Last Saturday I started to feel sick, and I spent most of the night as well as all day Sunday in bed. My stomach just wasn't right. I had no appetite, and diarrhea again. Monday wasn't much better. I knew for several weeks that I had a small hemorrhoid, but it hadn't bothered me much so I didn't give it much thought. Until Tuesday. The days of multiple trips to the bathroom with diarrhea had apparently made the hemorrhoid much worse and it multiplied. They were bleeding like crazy and extremely painful. Of course I called the OB and left a message because the blood scared me. My mom assured me that bleeding is normal for them, but I couldn't even sit on the toilet to pee without blood. It's just nerve wracking to see that when I've spent the last 32 weeks carefully inspecting my toilet paper to make sure I wasn't spotting. The OB called back and my mom was right- bleeding is normal from hemmies and I just need to make myself as comfortable as possible. The nurse suggested Vitamin E. I spent most of Tuesday afraid to pee and had a hard time sitting. It was pretty miserable. I tried the Vitamin E trick that night and also used loads of witch hazel and Prep.aration H. Somehow that combination stopped the bleeding, but I still woke up at 2 am with horrible diarrhea again. I'm not really sure where my intestines are at this point, but I could tell they were angry. My whole body felt like it was rumbling.

I had an OB appointment Thursday, but I made an appointment with my regular doctor (Dr. S) on Wednesday because the diarrhea had me so concerned. Oh, did I mention that this whole time I still had excruciating gallbladder pain? I cried to DH on Monday and told him I just can't leave the house because I'm in so much pain. I can't even lay comfortably anymore. Not to mention that I had pinching hemmies no matter what position I put myself in. I told all of this to Dr. S, who is also my cousin so I feel like she truly cares about my well being and doesn't just see me as her patient. She felt around under my ribs and said my gallbladder still isn't tender to the touch so it's most likely reflux. She thought I had so much acid built up in my body that it had disturbed my entire digestive system. I had been taking an acid reducer almost every day, but this past week for some reason I stopped because I didn't feel as much acid in my throat. Dr. S prescribed a stronger acid reducer and told me I must take it twice a day. I think she was right because after a few days on the meds I'm feeling so much better. Things are returning to normal. The hemmies are still there and most likely will stay until after Baby T gets here, but at least they aren't bleeding and I'm able to keep the discomfort to a minimum.

On Thursday I told my OB about all my sickness drama and we talked about options for delivery. Originally we discussed a C section because of my low lying placenta, but now she feels it has moved up enough for me to deliver vaginally. If we do a C section there is the danger of her cutting into one of my fibroids. She also said she won't let me go past 39 weeks, so as long as things are favorable she will induce me then. There are still several more weeks and things could change, but at this point baby T should be arriving the by the week of July 23. Holy cow!

Despite the drama and sickness, despite the fact that I feel I will never sit comfortably on a toilet again, I am still the luckiest person in the world to be growing this baby girl inside me. I will do it all over again 100 times over if it means a healthy baby. Keep growing in there baby T!