I never thought we'd meet. I graduated from the RE this week! It was bittersweet. I'm so happy to be moving into my second trimester, but I'm scared to leave the fertility office because they've been so attentive and have taken such good care of me. I've really like my OB though. She cried with me in the hospital room before my D&C two years ago and I've always felt that she cares about me as a patient. I saw her at P.anera once and she went out of her way to say hi and we talked about the Harry Potter movies. I see her on Tuesday and I plan to be very honest and tell her that my anxiety will not permit her to treat me like a normal pregnant patient. I'll let you know how that turns out.
The RE gave me a "diploma" and a baby spoon on my way out. I had to hold back tears. Even though I got pregnant naturally I still feel like they got me to this point. Also, I have a baby picture album that's already overflowing. I've had SEVEN ultrasounds now. Each one shows baby T just moving around and being totally normal. I still have the stupid SCH, but it's right at the opening of my cervix so if it were to break apart it shouldn't hurt anything. I'm hoping my body will just absorb it.
There was a bedbug situation at school today and the janitors have to bomb my room. I had to tell the nurse and the counselor that I'm pregnant, because I was worried about the chemicals. Most people that I work with already know, and my bump is getting hard to hide, but it still terrifies me to tell new people. Telling people I'm not close to means I'm admitting that this might actually happen. I got up the nerve to change my ticker on here too. Wow. I might actually have a baby. I am seriously pregnant!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sorry (updated- u/s pic below)
I apologize for being a bad blogger. To be honest, I'm having trouble transitioning- from "infertile" to "pregnant lady" on my blog. I feel a little guilty writing about it because many of my readers suffer from IF. I don't want this to become a blog that's all about my pregnancy.
Things are still progressing well. I've had 5 ultrasounds now, and baby T is growing and doing great. Last week he or she was moving around waving arms & legs (or nubs). Tomorrow is my NT scan. I'm very nervous, but trying not to let myself think about it too much. I realized that my anxiety is much lower the less "technical" I get. I'm trying not to keep exact track of how far along I am each day (12 weeks 1 day today) and also trying not to analyze symptoms because they do come and go. Tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of when we found out our first baby was gone. I'm trying not to think about that too much either. It's just a day, right? We've already come so much further this time. There's no such thing as jinx. Right?
A friend in my online support group mailed me her Doppler to use because her baby is already on the outside. I have been able to find baby T's heartbeat each time. I'm trying not to use it every day, I average about every other day. It's such a sweet sound, but I do panic a little before I use it each time. Will this be the time I can't find it? Again, I try not to go there.
It is getting easier, but I don't think I will ever get to the point where I feel completely comfortable with this pregnancy. No matter how far along I get I will always have that fear. I'm still taking things day by day, minute by minute if I have to!
UPDATE: NT scan measurements were all normal. I still have to wait for the bloodwork to come back, but there is no cause for concern at this point. Phew! Here is a pic of baby T- not the best quality because it's a picture of a picture, but you get the idea. I still can't believe this is happening.
Things are still progressing well. I've had 5 ultrasounds now, and baby T is growing and doing great. Last week he or she was moving around waving arms & legs (or nubs). Tomorrow is my NT scan. I'm very nervous, but trying not to let myself think about it too much. I realized that my anxiety is much lower the less "technical" I get. I'm trying not to keep exact track of how far along I am each day (12 weeks 1 day today) and also trying not to analyze symptoms because they do come and go. Tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of when we found out our first baby was gone. I'm trying not to think about that too much either. It's just a day, right? We've already come so much further this time. There's no such thing as jinx. Right?
A friend in my online support group mailed me her Doppler to use because her baby is already on the outside. I have been able to find baby T's heartbeat each time. I'm trying not to use it every day, I average about every other day. It's such a sweet sound, but I do panic a little before I use it each time. Will this be the time I can't find it? Again, I try not to go there.
It is getting easier, but I don't think I will ever get to the point where I feel completely comfortable with this pregnancy. No matter how far along I get I will always have that fear. I'm still taking things day by day, minute by minute if I have to!
UPDATE: NT scan measurements were all normal. I still have to wait for the bloodwork to come back, but there is no cause for concern at this point. Phew! Here is a pic of baby T- not the best quality because it's a picture of a picture, but you get the idea. I still can't believe this is happening.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)