What you're seeing above is all the paperwork to be sent out to our agencies!! I'm just waiting on the home study to come in the mail, which should be early this week. It feels so good to have this part done.
The good feeling is bittersweet though, because we went to the bank the other day to talk about a loan to finance our adoption. It was depressing. We need to show the agencies that we have access to money to cover the fees, which could range from $17,000 to $30,000. We talked with the manager of our credit union, and discovered that a home equity loan is definitely out of the question. We really didn't want to go that route anyway, but it was frustrating news. According to our last tax appraisal (which we know is always lower than what our house is actually worth) we only have $1,000 of equity from 4 years of payments. We could pay an appraiser $350 to see what the actual value of our house is, but that would just screw us with our taxes and we don't want to pay that much for an appraisal. It was upsetting to hear that house values have plummeted so much and we've pretty much gotten nowhere.
So our only option is a personal loan, which is considered unsecured debt. DH and I have great credit- we don't have any debt other than our house, my student loans, and one car loan. So loaning us the money really isn't a problem, but because it's a personal loan and they have nothing as collateral, they could only give us $20,000. That's actually not too bad, but again, because it's a personal loan the terms can't be more than 5 years. So if we end up needing the full $20k, our payment will be around $480 a month. CRAZY. We can make it work, but it will be a huge stretch. If our adoption ends up on the higher end, closer to $30k, we may have to use all our savings, or turn down that situation because we can't afford it.
We're stressed. We actually had a big fight about it the other night. If we have such a large loan payment, how are we going to cover formula, diapers, and all the other things a baby needs? I was trying to be optimistic and told DH that hopefully we can get the federal tax credit to pay back a large portion of the loan, and we can also have a fundraiser and ask our family and friends to donate. This is what started our fight. DH is so generous and he donates money often. I pointed this out to him and he responded that he doesn't donate so he can "get something back." I know that, that wasn't my point. I tried to explain to him that there are many people who care about us and want us to be parents and would be more than happy to donate to our cause. I think of all the times I've thrown money in a collection envelope for someone at work and I know they would do the same for me. Last year our friends had a house fire and we donated a large amount of money to them, and now that we are on the other side I know they would reciprocate. But DH freaked. He said people would feel obligated and he just thinks it's wrong to ask people he knows for money. I think he's being too proud. No one has to give us anything and I certainly wouldn't want people to feel obligated. After much back and forth I told him "fine, we just won't adopt because then will have money. Obviously that is the most important thing to you. It will just be me and you forever." I love my husband with all my heart, but just the two of us is not the life I envisioned. It's just not enough for me. I told him that, and I think I hurt his feelings but I wanted to be honest. I want to be a mom. I need to be a mom. I think if he were honest with himself he would admit that he desperately wants to be a dad.
In hindsight, I see that DH is just trying to be logical and smart about our finances. I'm glad he's that way. He balances out my impulsive side. I still disagree about the fundraiser and I'm hoping he will warm up to the idea more. I can only hope that things work out how they should and we will end up with what we can handle.
This is quite the roller coaster ride, and I think once our applications go through and we are actively waiting there will be many more twists and turns! I'm not getting off this ride anytime soon.
