25 weeks

Wait, what? How did I get here again? I have no clue, but every day I am so thankful for how lucky I am.

So what's new? Well, there is definitely no doubt I am pregnant now. I've been feeling tons of movement, so much that I actually stopped using my doppler every day. I've had a few panic moments where I don't think she is still moving, then when I try to use the doppler she kicks me! I don't think she likes being poked.

As far as my health- I'm semi normal. Still having gallbladder pain, but it comes and goes. I felt great the whole time I was on Spring Break so I'm hoping that once school is out it will make a difference, because I think stress irritates my gallbladder more. It's the only way to explain why I feel well on the weekends but crappy during the week.

DH and I registered. It was so strange and overwhelming. There are so many things we don't know, but I guess we will figure out along the way. It's just so surreal to think we will actually have a baby in a few months. A few months ago I purchased 2 cloth diapers to show DH how easy they are, but other than that we haven't bought any baby items. I did get an Ergo carrier for a great price on E.bay the other day, but it hasn't arrived yet.

We also named her, but we've decided to keep her name to ourselves until her birth. We want it to be a surprise, but we also don't want to hear what other people think about our name choice. DH and I both made a list of names and compared our lists. Our hope was that we would have some of the same names. We had completely different lists. I picked classic names like Katie, Leah, and Jamie, and he picked trendier names. He had a few names on his list that reminded me of students (in a bad way) so I had to veto those. We narrowed our lists down to 3 we would each consider, but then we ended up picking a name on his list that wasn't in our top 3 at first. I love it and I'm so excited to share it when she's here. Oh, and did I mention we did this all at a pizza place? DH said he can't wait to tell her about how we were sitting at Marion's Piazza and we decided on her name.

I guess that's it for now. Here's my 25 week belly pic!

Why me?

I love being part of this blogging community. Reading other stories of infertility and loss has helped me cope with my own issues, and I love seeing people become parents after beating the odds. But it's also exposed me to stories of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss that I may have otherwise been oblivious to. I was reading about a blogger who lost her sweet baby boy at 22 weeks the other day, and it got me thinking. Why me? Why am I so lucky to have beaten the odds and become pregnant after the RE told me it probably wouldn't happen? How did I get the privilege of feeling this sweet little girl move inside me? Why have I been given this wonderful, priceless gift while others still suffer and may never become parents? Of course, I realize I'm only a little over halfway there. Things can still go wrong. I still may not get to bring this precious little girl home (something I think about EVERY day), but today I am pregnant. Today, I have beaten the odds. I was fully committed to our adoption journey and truly thought it was the right path for us, but I would have missed this experience. I wouldn't have known what I was missing, but now that I've felt kicks and flutters and twirls I am so, so, so grateful. It just makes me feel sad for those who still haven't had the chance to cross over. Everyone deserves this chance.

Those of you that are still fighting this battle, love and hugs to you. I remember how hard Easter was for me last year watching all the kids hunt eggs and feeling sad that I may never have that chance. I hope I will see you on the other side soon. <3 <3 <3