Disbelief

I've been waiting for AF to come because I was going to try my Diva Cup (I've been afraid ever since my Instead Cup incident). Anyway, she was supposed to come Thursday night or Friday, and my cycles have always been regular. This afternoon I was drowning in my self-pity as usual, so I decided to take a leftover pregnancy test. I figured I'd take the test and then AF would come right after because she's a bitch like that. I also figured that a negative test would give me more self-pity to wallow in.

For some reason the test was POSITIVE. It only took about 20 seconds for the second line to appear. I was shocked. I thought it was an old test so it must be wrong. I went out and bought 3 more tests. ALL POSITIVE.

Thinking back, I'm pretty sure DH and I only had sex a couple of times this cycle (we've been busy and tired- stop judging!). I haven't been charting or keeping track of anything because technically we aren't TTC. We just aren't preventing. I do remember having ovulation cramps (at least I assumed they were) this cycle but I can't recall if we actually did it that day. I really can't believe this happened.

Cue the panic. I'm expecting to wake up tomorrow and this was a dream, or I'll wake up to AF. Each time I've gone to the bathroom since this afternoon I'm checking for blood. Last time the bleeding started at around 6 weeks because of an SCH, then at 8 weeks my baby was gone. I'm trying not to get excited, because I've been pregnant before. I let myself get excited, only to have my world turned upside down. I really hope the universe isn't playing some awful trick on us. I really thought adoption was it for us. Maybe it still will be, but I really hope we get to keep this baby. Can we just fast forward through time so I can see how this ends?