Broken

Well, my vag is broken. I saw the urologist this week and was finally given a true diagnosis: Vulvar Vestibulitis. Basically the skin on my lady parts is inflamed. It can be caused by chronic infections and stress, though the actual cause is unknown. Thank you job and TTC. Oh, and the best part-- it may NEVER go away. I noticed several months ago that I had trouble using tampons. They made me extremely uncomfortable, so I switched to pads. Around that time (last May) I had a bacterial and yeast infection. I used to get yeast infections every time I would take an antibiotic. In October I had a UTI, bacterial, and yeast infection. So here I am today with a condition that I may have forever. I may not be able to have comfortable sex again. I'm so upset by all of this and I know my emotions are making things worse. I've had a pretty crappy week. Here are some highlights:

• I got so frustrated in a work meeting that I ran out of the room crying.
• My car wouldn't run properly (the same day I left the meeting and just wanted to go home). I had to rely on a friend to take me to work. The good news was that the repairs were covered by warranty.
• My stupid vag was itching and burning so bad I had to put ice on it each night.
• I had to spend all day Friday in a stupid meeting out of my classroom.
• I spent all morning Tuesday on the phone with my insurance company to see if my blood work is covered. All but one test is. Compunet told me the one test would cost $1600. Needless to say I had a major freak out. I found out later from the RE nurse that they can do the test in the RE's office for $600. Phew.
• I found out my lady parts truly do suck from the urologist.
• Shorty got bit by something on Tuesday and her face swelled up. I had to rush her to the vet. Luckily they gave her a shot and she is just fine now.

I could probably keep going, but I hate being one of those people who whines and complains all the time. I am thankful for my husband, my dog, my family, and all the blessings I have. I just wish all this crap didn't happen at once!

DH and I have decided to wait another cycle before beginning the IUI and other treatments. He goes back to the urologist next week to give another sample so we want to wait and see if it improved (although we will still probably have to do IUI because I suck). I'm also going to try to find a cheaper place to do acupuncture and see if that will help with my stress and vestibulitis. I'm just tired of feeling like crap. It's such a cycle. If I weren't so stressed at work, I wouldn't feel like crap. If I didn't feel like crap, I wouldn't be so stressed at work, etc.

Oh, and I read that pads and tampons are bad for vestibulitis. So I guess I'm going to try the Diva cup or Instead cups. I switched to Always pads last May and everything I've been reading about vestibulitis says Always = BAD. If anyone has any tips about the cups I'd appreciate it.

This weekend I'm going to Gatlinburg with my mom and grandma. We are going to stay with my aunt. I get to bring Shorty too! The bad part is last year we took a trip just like this during MLK, Jr. weekend. I was pregnant. Stupidly I let them buy me maternity clothes that I may never wear. Then we left early on Monday because I had an ultrasound. That was the day we found out the baby was dead. Despite that, I hope to have a great weekend.