More sickness (lots of TMI)

This past week was another rough one for me. Last Saturday I started to feel sick, and I spent most of the night as well as all day Sunday in bed. My stomach just wasn't right. I had no appetite, and diarrhea again. Monday wasn't much better. I knew for several weeks that I had a small hemorrhoid, but it hadn't bothered me much so I didn't give it much thought. Until Tuesday. The days of multiple trips to the bathroom with diarrhea had apparently made the hemorrhoid much worse and it multiplied. They were bleeding like crazy and extremely painful. Of course I called the OB and left a message because the blood scared me. My mom assured me that bleeding is normal for them, but I couldn't even sit on the toilet to pee without blood. It's just nerve wracking to see that when I've spent the last 32 weeks carefully inspecting my toilet paper to make sure I wasn't spotting. The OB called back and my mom was right- bleeding is normal from hemmies and I just need to make myself as comfortable as possible. The nurse suggested Vitamin E. I spent most of Tuesday afraid to pee and had a hard time sitting. It was pretty miserable. I tried the Vitamin E trick that night and also used loads of witch hazel and Prep.aration H. Somehow that combination stopped the bleeding, but I still woke up at 2 am with horrible diarrhea again. I'm not really sure where my intestines are at this point, but I could tell they were angry. My whole body felt like it was rumbling.

I had an OB appointment Thursday, but I made an appointment with my regular doctor (Dr. S) on Wednesday because the diarrhea had me so concerned. Oh, did I mention that this whole time I still had excruciating gallbladder pain? I cried to DH on Monday and told him I just can't leave the house because I'm in so much pain. I can't even lay comfortably anymore. Not to mention that I had pinching hemmies no matter what position I put myself in. I told all of this to Dr. S, who is also my cousin so I feel like she truly cares about my well being and doesn't just see me as her patient. She felt around under my ribs and said my gallbladder still isn't tender to the touch so it's most likely reflux. She thought I had so much acid built up in my body that it had disturbed my entire digestive system. I had been taking an acid reducer almost every day, but this past week for some reason I stopped because I didn't feel as much acid in my throat. Dr. S prescribed a stronger acid reducer and told me I must take it twice a day. I think she was right because after a few days on the meds I'm feeling so much better. Things are returning to normal. The hemmies are still there and most likely will stay until after Baby T gets here, but at least they aren't bleeding and I'm able to keep the discomfort to a minimum.

On Thursday I told my OB about all my sickness drama and we talked about options for delivery. Originally we discussed a C section because of my low lying placenta, but now she feels it has moved up enough for me to deliver vaginally. If we do a C section there is the danger of her cutting into one of my fibroids. She also said she won't let me go past 39 weeks, so as long as things are favorable she will induce me then. There are still several more weeks and things could change, but at this point baby T should be arriving the by the week of July 23. Holy cow!

Despite the drama and sickness, despite the fact that I feel I will never sit comfortably on a toilet again, I am still the luckiest person in the world to be growing this baby girl inside me. I will do it all over again 100 times over if it means a healthy baby. Keep growing in there baby T!

The Home Stretch

I only have 9 weeks left of this pregnancy. I can't believe it. Time has flown, but passed slowly at the same time. I've been doing better- my gallbladder still hurts often- but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's just going to hurt until baby T gets here. I can't wait for the pain to go away, but at the same time I am sad that this pregnancy will be ending soon. It's such a bittersweet feeling. I am so excited to hold, hug, and kiss my little girl, but I will mourn the loss of my pregnant belly- because I don't know if I will ever be lucky enough to experience this again. I've had my share of health issues and problems, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Even if the pain were 100 times worse. I still feel like the luckiest person in the world because I am growing a person inside me. I get to see what DH and I created together. Will she have my eyes or his? What color will her hair be? It's such miracle, and so strange to think that this is how all of us got here. We all grew inside another person. When she comes out I will have to share her. I will miss feeling her kicks and rolls (even if they are getting a little painful), and I will miss watching my body change as she grows. I don't care if I have stretch marks, loose skin, and saggy boobs when this is over. I will look at them and know that they provided a place for my little girl to grow and thrive. I try to be somewhat anonymous on this blog, but my stepsister took a picture of me at my shower last weekend and I think you can see the pure joy I'm feeling- so you are getting a rare pic that includes my face, as well as my 31 week belly pic. Keep growing baby T- you're almost ready to join us on the outside!

More drama

This weekend it was back to L&D again. I started having a really bad gallbladder attack on Wednesday. The pain wouldn't ease up no matter what I did. It was even keeping me up at night. I spent Thursday and Friday eating super bland foods hoping the pain would subside. On Saturday I was still miserable and Dr. G.oogle had me convinced that my gallbladder was infected and I was dying. I hate him. I think he tries to convince everyone that they are going to die. So back to the hospital I went. DH joked and said I must have a boyfriend there.

This trip was not like the two other quick ones. They were busy and I had to wait almost an hour to be seen. I started to second guess myself and even told the check-in nurse that I wanted to go home. She said I felt bad enough to come in, so should really get checked out. They got me back into a bed and the doctor came to see me right away. He said he wanted an ultrasound of my gallbladder and then we would go from there. So I waited. For almost 5 hours. I didn't bring anything with me because I didn't think I would be there long. I also couldn't get cell service in the area they had me. I was so bored. I was alone and had a mini-breakdown around hour 4. I cried to the nurse (a new nurse because the shift had changed) that I couldn't lay there any more. I was starving and going crazy. They wouldn't let me eat until after the ultrasound. I had barely eaten all day because my gallbladder was hurting so bad. The new nurse wasn't very nice and told me I could go home if I wanted! I told her I'd been waiting 4 hours for my ultrasound and if I left now then I've waited for nothing. I thought she was rude, but maybe she thought I was crazy because I was crying hysterically. I blame hormones and hunger.

About 45 minutes after my breakdown the ultrasound tech showed up. Apparently they only have 1 on a Saturday and she had an ER case before mine. I still don't get why that took 4 hours, but what do I know? Hospital time is different, I guess. She did the ultrasound and said a radiologist would read it and the doctor would get back to me. Great....I figured the radiologist would only take a few more hours to read the damn thing. Surprisingly it was only about 20 minutes. The nurse came to release me and said my gallbladder looked fine, but I had some swelling around my kidneys. Awesome, something else for me to worry about! She said to stick to a low fat diet because of my pain and to avoid anything drinks except water (which I already do). She talked to my OB and she said we would talk more at my regular appointment this Thursday. I still don't understand why my gallbladder hurts so bad if it's not sludgy or has stones, but I will just have to deal with it.

I started to freak out about my kidneys, but my friend assured me that they wouldn't have sent me home if it was a huge concern. I went to acupuncture today and my acu doc explained that my kidneys are working for two lives right now instead of one, so it only makes sense that they are a little stressed. He said my coloring, pulse, and blood pressure were all great so I shouldn't worry. I told him I drink a gallon of water a day (I've been doing that since my amniotic fluid was low about 10 weeks ago) and he said that was probably overkill and could be too much for my kidneys. As far I as know my fluid is normal now so I can just stick to a normal amount of water. I've been really good and I haven't ask evil Dr. G.oogle what he thinks about pregnancy and swollen kidneys because I'm sure he will tell me awful things. He's an ass like that.

During all that time at the hospital, baby T did great. She was kicking and her heart rate was awesome. At one point I thought she was repeatedly kicking the same spot, but the nurse came in and said that she had the hiccups. I recorded it on my phone- so cute! I just need to keep reminding myself that despite all of my pain, drama and worry, she has been a rock star! I hope the next 10 weeks pass without any drama. OMG. I will be having a baby in 10 weeks or less!!

30 weeks!

Baby T's hiccups

Another trip to L&D

I was hoping when I went to labor & delivery at 18 1/2 weeks that I wouldn't see that place again until baby T was ready to be born. I didn't make it :(. On Sunday DH dragged me on a road trip with him. He is into all of these roadside oddities and wanted to travel to Louisville, KY to see a collection of horse statues. I really didn't want to go, but I felt bad making him go alone and we didn't spend much time together over the weekend so I thought it would be nice to be together. We ended up being in the car for 9 hours. We got out and walked some, but not a lot. I kept feeling a cramp in my left leg, and when we did walk my feet felt swollen. I just figured it was because it was almost 80 in Louisville and muggy.

Yesterday I went to work as usual, but instead of being in my classroom I had a meeting all afternoon, so I wasn't on my feet much after 1 pm. On the way home from work I stopped to run and errand and looked down at my feet. My left ankle looked like it belonged to an elephant. It scared me and I did a double take. I examined my other ankle and it was only slightly swollen, so I decided to call the OB. Neither doctor was in, so the nurse said to go to L&D. She was concerned because it was only one ankle, and wanted me to get my blood pressure checked also.

Last time I was there the nurse I had was very friendly. This time I wasn't so lucky. She told me that "anyone who is carrying extra weight is bound to swell," and that "those doctors will send you in for a hangnail." She also said my ankle didn't look swollen. She's crazy. I wish I would've taken a picture of it. Then she went to put the monitor on my stomach for the baby. She tried each side, then she stopped and said "How far along are you again?" I said 27 weeks. She tried the sides again and then asked if I had felt her move lately. I was panicked, but I knew I had just felt her less than 30 minutes before. She finally moved the monitor down lower and there was baby T, with a strong heartbeat. Stupid nurse. Thanks for giving me a mini heart attack.

My blood pressure was great, thank goodness. The doctor came to look at my ankles and agreed that my left one was very swollen. She checked my pulses and felt around, checking for signs of a clot. Nothing. I told her about the car ride and she thinks that because I was sitting so long it caused all the fluid to build up, then when I didn't do my normal activity that afternoon it made it worse. DH was there at that point so she went over the signs of a clot with both of us and told me to watch my leg very closely. She said she wasn't too concerned but if I saw any signs I need to come back immediately, but for now I could go home. Then she said "your baby looks awesome on the monitor." Go baby T!

This morning my ankle looked fairly normal, and after working today they are both slightly swollen but I'm thinking that is going to stick around since I am almost 30 weeks (what?) and it is getting hot. I had some liver function tests done at my last OB appointment (because of my gallbladder pain) and everything is normal. I also passed the glucose test! My gallbladder is still being a b!tch, but I think it will ease up some when school is out. I can't believe how far I've come. I really hope the rest of my pregnancy is drama free.

Here is my 27 week pic. Please ignore my sloppy bed and laundry I need to put away!

25 weeks

Wait, what? How did I get here again? I have no clue, but every day I am so thankful for how lucky I am.

So what's new? Well, there is definitely no doubt I am pregnant now. I've been feeling tons of movement, so much that I actually stopped using my doppler every day. I've had a few panic moments where I don't think she is still moving, then when I try to use the doppler she kicks me! I don't think she likes being poked.

As far as my health- I'm semi normal. Still having gallbladder pain, but it comes and goes. I felt great the whole time I was on Spring Break so I'm hoping that once school is out it will make a difference, because I think stress irritates my gallbladder more. It's the only way to explain why I feel well on the weekends but crappy during the week.

DH and I registered. It was so strange and overwhelming. There are so many things we don't know, but I guess we will figure out along the way. It's just so surreal to think we will actually have a baby in a few months. A few months ago I purchased 2 cloth diapers to show DH how easy they are, but other than that we haven't bought any baby items. I did get an Ergo carrier for a great price on E.bay the other day, but it hasn't arrived yet.

We also named her, but we've decided to keep her name to ourselves until her birth. We want it to be a surprise, but we also don't want to hear what other people think about our name choice. DH and I both made a list of names and compared our lists. Our hope was that we would have some of the same names. We had completely different lists. I picked classic names like Katie, Leah, and Jamie, and he picked trendier names. He had a few names on his list that reminded me of students (in a bad way) so I had to veto those. We narrowed our lists down to 3 we would each consider, but then we ended up picking a name on his list that wasn't in our top 3 at first. I love it and I'm so excited to share it when she's here. Oh, and did I mention we did this all at a pizza place? DH said he can't wait to tell her about how we were sitting at Marion's Piazza and we decided on her name.

I guess that's it for now. Here's my 25 week belly pic!

Why me?

I love being part of this blogging community. Reading other stories of infertility and loss has helped me cope with my own issues, and I love seeing people become parents after beating the odds. But it's also exposed me to stories of miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss that I may have otherwise been oblivious to. I was reading about a blogger who lost her sweet baby boy at 22 weeks the other day, and it got me thinking. Why me? Why am I so lucky to have beaten the odds and become pregnant after the RE told me it probably wouldn't happen? How did I get the privilege of feeling this sweet little girl move inside me? Why have I been given this wonderful, priceless gift while others still suffer and may never become parents? Of course, I realize I'm only a little over halfway there. Things can still go wrong. I still may not get to bring this precious little girl home (something I think about EVERY day), but today I am pregnant. Today, I have beaten the odds. I was fully committed to our adoption journey and truly thought it was the right path for us, but I would have missed this experience. I wouldn't have known what I was missing, but now that I've felt kicks and flutters and twirls I am so, so, so grateful. It just makes me feel sad for those who still haven't had the chance to cross over. Everyone deserves this chance.

Those of you that are still fighting this battle, love and hugs to you. I remember how hard Easter was for me last year watching all the kids hunt eggs and feeling sad that I may never have that chance. I hope I will see you on the other side soon. <3 <3 <3

Anatomy Scan

Before I tell you about my anatomy scan, I want to update about the sickness from last week. I did end up having to stay home from work Monday because my diarrhea was so horrible. I was up all night Sunday. I went to the doctor and she admitted she was worried about me. The OB and PCP both said they baby should be fine as long as I'm drinking lots of fluids. I was doing my best. My PCP was worried the c.diff wasn't gone. I had to give another stool sample, but it would take several days to get the results. Both doctors said it was okay to take Kaopectate in the meantime. That provided a tiny bit of relief, but I still spent Tuesday and Wednesday in misery. I went to work, but had to run to the bathroom multiple times and fight off waves of cramps and nausea all day. It was not fun, and I was frustrated with feeling like crap and also eating only the BRAT diet. It was getting old. Finally Thursday morning things felt like they were returning to normal. Yesterday I was able to eat and go to the bathroom like a normal person. I never thought a regular bathroom trip could make me so happy. The best news- my doctor's office called last night and I am NEGATIVE for c.diff. It must have been the F.lagyl that had me so screwed up. I hope I never have to take that crap again.

Now to the good part. My anatomy scan was Thursday. I woke up with knots in my stomach because I was so scared something would be wrong. DH and my grandma were both able to go. Our baby GIRL measured on track and looked healthy. She kept her legs tightly closed for a long time and the tech had to shake, poke, and prod trying to get her to move. Finally she got a shot from "underneath." More great news- my placenta has moved up and is no longer considered low lying and my cervix still looks great. Of course, my insides are still riddled with fibroids, but they don't seem to be affecting the baby.

There is one concern- my amniotic fluid was "low normal." Still in the normal range, but on the low end. My OB thinks it's because of the severe diarrhea I had earlier in the week and said to drink lots and lots of water. I thought I was getting enough but I guess the sickness took it's toll because I also lost 3 pounds. She wasn't overly concerned about the fluid or the weight loss, but of course now my worrying brain is going into overdrive. I've managed to keep myself from asking Dr. G.oogle about low amniotic fluid because I'm sure he will have evil things to say about it. I flooded myself with over 100 ounces of water yesterday and have already had almost 60 ounces this morning so hopefully things will look better at my next scan. I wouldn't be myself if I didn't have something to make me worry like crazy, right? My next appointment is April 26 and I will have another cervix check and my glucose test. I still can't believe how lucky we are. Here are some pictures of our precious little miracle. You can see the "money shot" on the bottom with her little bottom pointing at us.