Lost in Newborn Land

Sorry it's been so long since I updated. These last 2 weeks have been a crazy, sleep deprived, blissful fog. My days pass and I look back and wonder what I did. Basically I feed Sadie, change Sadie, put her down to sleep, and then we start all over again. My friend S described it perfectly. "The days are short but the minutes are long." Motherhood is hard. Way harder than I ever imagined, but soooo worth it.

Breastfeeding is also very difficult. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. I wanted to quit so many times during the first week. I stuck it out during the second week, and now things are getting easier. Sadie is still eating every 3-4 hours so she's basically attached to my breast 24/7, but she is thriving and has gained 13 ounces since we left the hospital. She lost 10 ounces after birth so we are so pleased with her progress. After being so angry with my body during our journey through miscarriage and infertility, it feels amazing to know that things are actually working right and I'm able to feed my little girl.

The most difficult thing about breastfeeding is that it's all YOU. I can't be away from her for more than 2 hours because if she gets hungry, no one else can feed her. It's overwhelming, but it's also amazing and I really enjoy the closeness I feel when I nurse her. I'm working with a lactation consultant who is going to help me start pumping so DH can give her bottles occasionally. When I go back to work in October, I will hopefully pump enough for Sadie to get through the day, then nurse her at night. I've been using a great product called Milk Savers (check it out on Amazon) and I've already froze 8 ounces of breast milk just from leaking on the opposite side.

That's it for now- I have to take a shower while I have the chance. I'll leave you with some pictures of our sweet girl.

Happy Family

I'm hungry!

Sweet sleeper

Always still room for the furry baby

A dream come true

Help! There is a baby in my house and I don't know how she got here! This is still so surreal.

I will post more of my birth story and how the past few days have gone later, but for now I just want to share that Sadie Dawn arrived at 12:51 p.m. on Monday, July 23. She weighed exactly 7 lbs and is 20 3/4" long. We are beyond blessed to have her. Here are a few pictures for now, and I will write more in the next few days as we settle into a routine at home.

It's time!

I am in disbelief. I can't believe I will be having a baby tomorrow. I am on an emotional roller coaster. One minute I can't wait to get her out, the next minute I sad because I may never be pregnant again. I'm trying to enjoy this last day with her inside me- feeling those little kicks and rolls. I am sure of one thing I feel- GRATEFUL. I am so blessed to have experienced the miracle of pregnancy. The gallbladder pain, c.diff, colds, swelling, all the issues I've had- I would take them all 100 times over. I am so lucky. Tomorrow my dream will come true. I will get to hug and kiss my little girl. I will get to see what DH and I created together. I am so thankful for this wonderful journey and gift.

The past week has been a little rough. My legs and ankles have been swelling a lot. If I don't keep my left leg elevated, it starts to feel like a giant stump and is hard to move. I joked and told my mom she should call me Stumpy. Now I know what people meant when they said to me, "Oh, you're due in July?" I've packed on the pounds this last month, but I have a feeling 10 pounds of it is water and fluid. I also have a raging yeast infection- my second one this pregnancy. I will have to use my final dose of Mon.istat tomorrow night at the hospital. That should be fun. But as I said above, I would do it all over again. Baby girl T, you are 100%- no 200%- worth all of this. I can't wait to meet you!

My last belly pic!

Full Term and Finished Nursery

How did this happen? Somehow I made it! Baby T, you're almost done cooking. I can't believe we will get to meet you in a couple weeks. I go between being so excited that she's almost here, to crying because I may never be pregnant again and get to experience feeling something grow inside me. I've been very emotional this week. I cried yesterday at the pool when I saw a little girl crying. Her mom was holding her and she was fine, but hearing the sound just made me tear up. Soon we will hear that sound. I still have a lot of freak out moments, especially now that the nursery is finished. I keep thinking, "What if we don't really get to bring her home?" I pray multiple times a day that this ends well. It's the only thing I can do. I also read the worrying passing I shared a few posts ago over and over again. Here are some nursery pics and my 37 week belly pic. We spelled out her name above her crib, but since that is a surprise I took it down for the pics. I took the pics on my phone so they are not the best quality.

My grandma made the curtains and valances for us.

Grandma also made the crib skirt and diaper stacker.

That is my brother's changing table from 22 years ago.

Our storage unit from I.kea

The dress I wore home from the hospital 31 years ago.

The luckiest girl alive at 37 weeks. Ignore my wet hair and no makeup!

36 weeks

Wow. I'm really pregnant. Almost full term pregnant. It's so amazing, I still can't believe it.

This weekend we had a big storm and our power went out Friday night around 5. The power part wasn't that bad- I can deal without lights & t.v. It was the no air conditioning that really sucked. I slept like crap Friday night, then Saturday we stayed at my parent's house so we could cool down. We worked on the baby's room yesterday, and by 2 p.m. I had to stop because my feet swelled up like giant sausages. I finally sat in front of a box fan and cried (we had a generator, but all it could power was our fridge and one fan). Pregnancy hormones and extreme heat are a bad combo. DH didn't say a word, he just turned the fan towards me and let me cry. Our power came back on last night around 7:30. I have never been so grateful for electricity. I'm also thankful that we didn't have any storm damage and that neither of us were hurt.

I had my last shower this weekend at my in-laws. I put together a photo album of all of baby T's ultrasound pics and the belly pics I take weekly. I also did something really FHy, and I apologize in advance. I made a slideshow of my belly pics to share. I couldn't figure out how to get it in this post, so here is a link if you want to check it out. I will post nursery pics soon!

We have a date!

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and my OB is scheduling me for a c-section on Monday, July 23. Wow! That's exactly 4 weeks from today. I can't believe she will be here so soon. I am so excited.

 35 weeks!

Of course I still worry every day that something will go wrong, but I've gotten a lot better. I got the book that my yoga instructor read from and I want to share a passage with you. The book is Journey to the Heart, by Melody Beattie. The passage is called "Don't Worry."

"Worrying doesn't help. Our worries haven't prevented one disaster along the way. At times, the only thing they've prevented is our joy. Our worries are fear. We say, I will worry and be fearful until things have worked out, only then can I relax and enjoy. Our worries are self-punishment, a form of not forgiving ourselves, not loving ourselves, not trusting. 

We may think that worrying helps ward off trouble, but that's an illusion. Sometimes worrying brings troubles upon us, because we're so caught up in our fear that we don't take the responsible steps we need to take. By neglecting our lives due to worry and fear, we may bring needless consequences upon ourselves. 

The lesson is trust. When we're trusting, we let go of our fear, confident that what we want and need will come. We trust that if what comes appears to be trouble or hardship, we will get what we need to get through that, too. When we trust, we get peaceful first, before we get what we want, before we see what the future brings. 


Worry and fear are the opposite of love.
Love yourself more that you ever have.
Love yourself enough to stop worrying.
Love yourself enough to give yourself the gift of peace."

Powerful, huh?

Much better

I am so grateful that I had a much better week health wise. My gallbladder still hurt a lot, but nothing unbearable, and thankfully my digestion and everything else is back to normal. I'm keeping the hemmies under control so no bleeding there either. I also gained 3 pounds! My OB was pleased because I hadn't gained in a couple weeks. People keep telling me how small I look and how great I look for being over 30 weeks pregnant. I've only gained about 22 pounds now. I usually respond by telling them I've had a lot of health issues and haven't been able to eat a whole lot. I don't want people thinking I'm vain and I've been watching my weight- because that is definitely NOT the case! I'm grateful that most of my weight is in my belly, but this gallbladder pain and diarrhea have been awful and I would trade them for weight gain any day. 

I did a lot of research last week about a c-section vs. a vaginal delivery with fibroids. My OB and I talked about it more at my appointment last week. We decided the safest way to get baby T here is by c-section. I have so many fibroids that there is the possibility that there could be some blocking the birth canal. There is just no way to see them all on ultrasound, especially with the baby there too. The last thing I want is to try a vaginal birth and have her get stuck or have me hemorrhage because of a fibroid. Of course, there is the possibility that my OB will make the c-section incision and there will be a bunch of fibroids in her way there too, but at least she will be prepared and the baby will not be in distress. I went back and forth- but I am okay with a c-section. Whatever gets her here! We discussed July 25, but it is not set in stone yet. That is only 5 weeks away. OMG. I'm going to have a baby in 5 weeks or less. Crazy.

I still have a small neighborhood baby shower and a shower with my in-laws, so we haven't finished the nursery yet. We started it- but right now it's filled with boxes and bags because we don't want to open anything until the showers are over. We do have a crib, just no mattress yet. It's still so surreal to me. My anxiety and worry have been better. I still have days where I worry about stillbirth or something happening to her now, but I try to stop myself. I took a prenatal yoga class last week and the instructor read a poem about worry during class. The message was wonderful. It was about how worrying is robbing yourself of joy. I ordered the book it was in so I will share it with you when it comes. This was my first yoga class and I loved it. I wish I would've started sooner. I wasn't very good at it because I'm not flexible, but I still enjoyed the relaxation. I'm bummed that there is no class this week but I will definitely go back next week. In the meantime I hope to enjoy these last few weeks with my baby girl kicking and moving inside me. I'm the luckiest person in the world!