The Almost Tattoo

If you're a regular reader of my blog, you know I have a wonderful support group of women I met online after my miscarriage. The elephant has always been a symbol of strength and remembrance for us. Women and elephants never forget. I've wanted an elephant tattoo for several months. I have an elephant pendant that I love, and I just wanted a teeny tiny version of it on my foot. I already have a tattoo on the back of my right hip, a butterfly I got when I was 18. I never regretted getting that tattoo, and it means more to me now that the butterfly is part of the symbol for pregnancy loss awareness. I wasn't scared of getting a tattoo (okay, I was a little worried about the pain) but I had done it before so I wasn't panicking about getting something permanent on my body.

I decided this week would be the perfect time to get my tattoo because I was off work. I worried that my foot would be sore and it would be hard to wear certain shoes, so this was perfect because I could be off my feet for a few days. On Monday, my friend C and I went to a local tattoo parlor that a friend recommended. I was nervous, but mostly just being wimpy about the pain. I showed the artist my necklace and he said he could do a tiny version of it. They were booked for the day, so I made an appointment to come back Wednesday.

Again, I wasn't nervous about the permanence of things, just worried it would be painful. I knew I really wanted this, as I'd been thinking about it for some time. On Wednesday, C and I arrived at the parlor and the artist took my necklace and used it to make a drawing of the tattoo. I loved his design. It was exactly what I wanted. I asked him if he could make it a little smaller though, like the size of a quarter or nickel. He said he could make it a little smaller but not too much because it may start to blur and I may not be able to see what it was. I had this vision in my head of the tattoo being so small that I could cover it up with one of those circular band-aids if I wanted to hide it. As I teacher I felt that there may be some professional times I would want to hide it.

In the chair I went. We discussed where on my foot the tattoo should be placed. I really wanted it low, closer to the sole of my foot but the artist said it shouldn't be in a place where my shoe might  rub a lot. So we decided on my ankle, which really wasn't my plan but I was still comfortable with everything at that point. He put the print on my ankle, and I really started to look at it. It was 3 or 4 times the size of what I wanted. I said several times, "I think it's too big." I kept looking at C and asking her opinion. She didn't want to tell me either way because it was MY tattoo and she didn't want to influence me. The artist kept telling me it wasn't too big (but he's covered in tattoos). I was envisioning reading a story on the carpet to my second graders and having them ask "What is that on your ankle?" over and over. Again, in my mind this tattoo teeny tiny and could be covered with a small band-aid. The artist said again that he didn't want to do it any smaller and he didn't think it was too big.

I felt very uncomfortable. I was putting this on my body FOREVER. So I made the decision to leave. I told the artist I loved his design (which I did) but this was just so much bigger than I wanted and I'd have to think about it longer or choose another place on my body.  I felt like an ass after he spent time making the design, but I would feel like a bigger ass if I had gotten something permanent on my body that I wasn't 100% comfortable with.

I may try a different artist to see if it can be done smaller, but for now the tattoo is on hold. The design is so cute, but I don't regret leaving. I know I would regret having a huge (in my mind) elephant on my ankle. Oh and after we left C said, "Yeah, that was too big but I wanted you to make the decision." Here is a pic of the almost tattoo.