Before I begin my post- I want to ask for T&Ps for a dear friend, SM, who may suffer another miscarriage. Her scan showed some abnormalities and she's having further tests done next week. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
So I've been anxiously waiting for our adoption paperwork to come. Yesterday, after another pity party filled morning (my school friends went to a waterpark without me- you know, because I couldn't possible enjoy it without kids,) I went to the mailbox to find an envelope from our agency. I also found a box full of cookies from my friend C at The Port of Indecision (love you girl!!) so it was a happy day at the mailbox. Until I opened the agency's envelope. The cookies are AMAZING, btw.
I became so OVERWHELMED and had a mini breakdown/tantrum. I knew the home study was going to be a lot of work, but I had NO IDEA. I feel like there is a huge mountain in front of me and I don't know if I'll make it to the top or other side. And just so you know I'm not kidding, let me list every requirement for you.
1. Application for child placement
2. Copy of marriage certificate
3. Current income tax return
4. State financial statement
5. A letter from employer stating job title, salary, length of employment, character reference, and stability of employment
6. References- 5 non-relatives
7. State background check
8. Federal background check
9. Local criminal check (a letter from local PD that we don't have a record)
10. Certification of residency
11. Traffic record from BMV
12. Medical release form
13. Medical statement (filled out by physician)
14. Child care class (can't wait to take that with expectant parents!)
15. Infant CPR certification
16. Required reading- an adoption book (217 pages!) that we must both read and then complete a questionnaire
17. 3.5 hours of online training after reading book
18. Fire inspection report (done by local FD)
19. Questionnaire about child placement
20. Child characteristics form
21. Child abuse clearance
22. Home safety audits
23. Interviews with social worker
So don't EVER, EVER tell anyone they can "just" adopt. That implies this process is easy. That implies that this process doesn't examine every aspect of your life. The crack whore downtown can be homeless and get KU, yet DH and I have to jump through countless hoops before we are "approved" to be parents.
I know that if I were a birth mother I would want all these things done. I get that. I also get that this is the path we're on and I might as well embrace it. I know it will be worth it, I know that. I just feel a little defeated at this point.
One of the big problems is the CPR class. DH can't get off work during the day, and he works every Saturday. So trying to find an infant or child certification class that is at night or on Sunday has been difficult for me so far. I did find one with our local FD, but they said they cancel if there aren't enough people signed up. The hospitals offer classes, but they don't certify you. So hopefully something will work out. The child care class did have a Sunday offering so that shouldn't be a problem.
So wish me luck, I guess. I'm chuggin' up the mountain....
That's a lot of damn crazy stuff to have to do, Misty, and all those flaming hoops to jump through are just so FRUSTRATING!
ReplyDeleteYet, I know you guys are going to do this with great aplomb. One piece at a time, and it'll be done before you know it.
As for the CPR course, we did ours through the local Red Cross chapter. They run courses in the evenings and on weekends (including Sundays). I hope you can find one without too much trouble.
GO YOU!!! <3
Wow! That is a crazy amount of stuff! I'll be thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!!! Thanks for posting this. I really appreciate being able to follow you and your family through this process. You can do it and you will do it!
ReplyDelete<3 lots of hugs and love to you.
ReplyDeleteWow. I can see why you felt so overwhelmed. That's a lot of stuff to get together. I agree with you, while it's understandable WHY these hoops must be jumped through, it's rather insulting that they have to be jumped through only by adoptive parents. It's yet another way of saying, "Look how different you are."
ReplyDeleteAs for getting all of it accomplished...our elephants come in handy once again. Because you know how you go about eating an elephant, right? One bite at a time.
When you list it all here, wow it is a lot. You can do it M! (((Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteHi M! It IS a lot but once you get a few things done, it feels really, really good! A good friend of mine who is an adoptive parent told me this (and it helps!!) "everything you do in the adoption process, brings you one step closer to your child"...totally true. Sending you some positive vibes..! =0)
ReplyDeleteI totally know the feeling of being overwhelmed with all the requirements and paperwork. I felt the same way when we received the packet from our agency.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried your local Red Cross office? They offer classes on Sundays (at least that is what ours does) and there were only a handful of people present.
Just take it one day at a time and remember to breathe :) At least that is what I tell myself everyday :)
Good Luck! I know you will get through this, and do it beautifully!
ReplyDeleteSo happy to find your blog - My husband and I are also just starting out on the adoption path. After 4 miscarriages and then no pregnancies at all for a long time, we are finally starting to rediscover our hope and excitement for building a family that has been lost in all the tears for a while. Bless you on this journey...and I am also very familiar with the lack of invitations form mummy friends. I mean, even if you call it mum's night out, I think I still have the ability to enjoy a bottle of wine and contribute some good conversation, right?!
ReplyDelete