I think I can.. I think I can...

Growing up we spent a lot of time at my grandma's house. I remember she had a copy of The Little Engine That Could and I loved reading it. When I began teaching I made sure to have a copy of it in my classroom. I remember watching the little train huff and puff and say "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can." and finally make it up the big hill. I felt so proud of him. Right now I feel like I'm at the bottom of that hill.

I had our second call with our adoption consultant, N, yesterday. Honestly, I don't know how people navigate the adoption process on their own. She has been such a huge help and she truly knows what she's doing. I would be so overwhelmed and lost without her. I spent the last 2-3 weeks working on our profile, which I thought turned out pretty well. I sent it to N last week so she could look it over and comment. She said many great things about it, but there is a lot I need to rewrite. I need to be more specific and change my language to appeal to birth mothers. Again, I'm so thankful for N because many of the things she pointed out I never would have thought of. For example, I put a picture of my nephew holding Shorty (our dog) and said she likes when he comes over to play. To me, it was obvious I was trying to say that Shorty is gentle with kids and will be gentle with ours. N said tell a specific story about how our nephew was playing with Shorty and Shorty was gentle, then end it by saying, "Shorty would love to play and be gentle with your child." Your child. Those words I must repeat over and over in the profile. I thought it would bother me to write or say it, but it really doesn't. It is her child and will be in some way forever and I need to respect and acknowledge that.

N works out of Florida and the agencies she recommended are either there or in Utah. Utah law is very adoption friendly- the birth mother can sign over consent 24 hours after the birth and it is immediately irrevocable. Don't believe the stories people tell you about birth mothers coming back for their babies. It does happen, but it's rare and most states have laws that protect the adoptive parents. A birth mother would have to prove she was either coerced or that the adoption wasn't carried out legally. The media has blown stories like this way out of proportion. Remember that book and movie, Losing Isaiah? I read and watched both. It was a private adoption and it was carried out illegally. Again, I'm so thankful for N because she works with these agencies regularly and knows they are professional and legal.

Now, let's about discount babies. I don't mean that to be offensive to anyone. It truly boggles my mind. DH and I decided we are very open to mixed races. All our nieces and nephews are biracial. DH's sister has a son who is African American and Caucasian, and DH's brother's wife is from Panama so his kids are South American (not sure if that's the right term) and Caucasian. I never thought about it before we decided on adoption, but if DH and I had a bio child it would be the only Caucasian grandchild in the family at this point! N was going through the list of agencies she gave me and many have a flat fee for Caucasian or Hispanic and a lower fee for biracial. Also, many wave their application fees if you are open to other races. N explained that there are many factors that go into it and many times a birth mother who is pregnant with a biracial child comes to the agency later and has less expenses, the state subsidizes some adoptions from other races, etc. I still don't get it. Why wouldn't anyone want those kids just as much as a Caucasian one? I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that people don't want society to immediately know their child is adopted. I realize that there are people who will make comments if DH and I have a child from another race. But there are stupid people everywhere who will make comments regardless of the situation. We are open to other races because we will love a child no matter what, not because it will be cheaper and/or less likely to fall through. Again, I hope I'm not offending anyone because I can see how this would be a heated issue.

So back to my title. I contacted the agency N wants us to use for our home study (we have to use an Ohio agency for this) and I'm (im)patiently waiting for a call back. I looked over their website and found the list of required documents to complete the home study. WOW. This is where I feel like I'm at the bottom of a huge hill and I'm not sure if I'll make it to the top or back down. And it could take up to 2 months to complete. Ugh. Don't they know I wanted a baby like, forever ago????

I hope someday I can read The Little Engine That Could to my child and tell the story of how much I wanted him or her and how proud I am to be a mom.