Yesterday I had my fourth laparoscopic surgery for my endometriosis. I had one in 2000, 2006, 2008, and now 2011. I also had a LEEP done in 2007 and a D&C in 2010. I hope I'm done with surgeries for awhile. Let's hope the next time I'm in a hospital it has something to do with a healthy baby that belongs to me. So the surgery went okay. She was able to get rid of 60% of the endo. I'm not really happy with that percentage, but I guess it's over half so I'm ahead a bit. There was some endo under my right ovary that she was unable to get without risking damage to the ovary. She also did an HSG while I was under, and my tubes are wide open which is great news. My uterus has a lot of fibroids, and I'm not really sure what that means for pregnancy. I will have to get more info at my follow up appointment. Today I'm just really sore and have a hard time standing up straight, but it will pass soon.
Today is my birthday. When I scheduled this surgery, Jan 12 was the first day she had available. I thought it would be nice to be off work on my birthday. It is, except that I woke up at 3:30 when my Vicodin wore off and couldn't really sleep after that. Plus I think it's going to be a pretty lonely day. DH probably won't be home until about 7, and I'm not allowed to drive anywhere until tomorrow so I guess it will be a Shorty bonding day. And Shorty didn't even get me a present, can you believe that? Although I shouldn't complain about today because I did have an awesome birthday party last Saturday and a lot of people came to support me. More than I expected.
Yesterday my mother-in-law commented on how well I'm handling this. Once I really stopped to think about things I guess I am handling it quite well. I wasn't nervous about surgery since it was nothing new, and I'm wondering if my attitude is getting better because all my "deadlines" have passed. I've spent the last year being pretty depressed (see any post below) and I had all these dates in my head.
1. I wanted to be pregnant before my EDD. Already passed.
2. I wanted to be pregnant before the anniversary of my last BFP. Missed that boat.
3. I wanted to be pregnant before I turned 30. See a theme here?
So I guess there's no more deadlines to set. I guess all I can do now is just wait for things to happen. I am still going back and forth about seeing an RE. I got a name from a friend and then one from my OB- turns out it's the same doctor. So I feel good that I got two different recs for the same one. I'm just reluctant to call for a few reasons, number one being money. My insurance will not cover anything that has to do with infertility. I'm just afraid to go spend thousands of dollars when there's no guarantee I'll come out with a healthy baby. Crack whores get knocked up for free. I guess the second reason I don't want to call is that it will make it real. I am infertile. I have been actively TTC with no pregnancy for over a year, which qualifies as the textbook definition of infertile. I'm also worried about all the time I may have to take off work for more appointments. So basically, I'm making up excuses not to call the RE because I'm SCARED. People think it's so easy. I've actually had a couple friends say to me "but you haven't even tried fertility treatments yet." Yes, I did a couple cycles on Clomid and triggers, but no, I haven't done anything more invasive. It's not like strep throat, people! You don't go to the doctor and get a magical pill that cures you. It's a lot more complicated than that, and that's why I'm so scared. I guess I should put on my big girl panties and make that call. ::sigh::
I'm glad the surgery went as well as could be expected. I'm sorry you had to go through that again, but it's nice that you got a chance to clear out ye olde plumbing, KWIM?
ReplyDeleteAs for calling the RE, it's a big decision. That first call is so damn hard to make. I totally understand, and it wasn't that long ago I was wearing those same shoes. It's scary to not only admit that you need help, but that you're calling in the experts.
That said, don't feel you NEED to call if you don't want to. How much do you love your OB? There is some more stuff they can do before you need to commit to the RE route. You've tried Clomid, but how about Femara? A cycle or two of that might be what you need to either get pregnant, or give you the courage to seek an RE with absolutely no doubt.
As for how much it costs? It's expensive. Frighteningly so. But a lot of it depends on what you do, and what your financial comfort zone is. It's good to have an idea of what you can handle before you start, because once you get on the infertility treatment train, it's damn hard to get off.
So much love to you, Misty. I've gotten to know you so well in the past year and you deserve so much happiness. Keep talking, and let me know how it goes. And TAKE YOUR VICODIN!!!