The one I'll never meet

Today is my EDD. Back in January when I had my D&C, this day seemed so far away. I thought for sure I'd be pregnant again by now. Not that this baby could be replaced but it would've eased the pain a little. Instead I'm still in the same place I was in January: empty and sad. Little one, I'm so sorry my body failed you. I remember the tears of joy I cried when I saw your little heartbeat flicker on the screen. Now I cry tears of sadness because I will never meet you or hold you. You will be forever loved. XOXO

So much hope

It's officially been a year since we started trying to have a baby. I was pregnant for 8 weeks of that time, but that was it. Still an empty ute, still nothing to show for all this trying, except an ultrasound picture at 6 weeks of a baby I will never meet. I'm also approaching my EDD- August 28. I have so much hope for this cycle though. Today is CD11 and we are trying our best to have great timing. If I get pregnant cycle I will be 10 or 11 dpo on my EDD, so maybe I will be surprised with a BFP on that day. Maybe. Also my so-called psychic friend has been predicting that August 19 will be an important day for me since last year. At first she thought I would get pregnant on that date last year, but FAIL, so then when I got my BFP in December she thought I would deliver on the 19th, only 9 days before my EDD. FAIL again. Now, a year later, she is convinced that August 19 is still important. I will ovulate around that date. I don't think I really believe in psychics but a small part (well maybe a big part) is hoping beyond hope that she is right. She just HAS to be right. I can't do this much longer, I just can't. I know many people try for years, but they must be a lot stronger than me.

"Where hope grows, miracles blossom." - Elna Rae
I'm hoping my little miracle comes soon.

Shorty loves her bone :)

For some reason it's repeating my audio... I do not repeat myself to her..lol.

And it just keeps raining.

Shit, that is. Our bathroom light sparked and completely went out. We went to Lowes and bought a replacement. It didn't fit. DH took his car in for an alignment yesterday. We dropped it off and then went to Home Depot to see if they had a light that would work for our bathroom. The only one that would possibly work without DH moving around the wires was $90. ::sigh:: While we were there, the car place called and told DH he needed new wheel bearings. He repeated to the guy "$198? Alright, go ahead and do it." Yes, I heard him say $198 and he repeated it back to the worker. So we go to pick up his car and they charge him $1000!!!!!! We are both beyond pissed. He has contacted the district manager and is waiting for him to call back. If the district manager doesn't resolve this for us, we are going to file a BBB complaint and maybe call the news because they do specials on this all the time. He went back to the car place this morning to try to get the old wheel bearings so he could see if they were truly bad, and they wouldn't give them to him. It's just fishy. I feel like they screwed us, and I feel so bad for him. He's already down about his ankle and not working, so the last thing we need to do is spend so much money on his car. Plus it has over 150,000 miles on it and we would never put that much money into it at this point. I really hope things get better for him. A BFP would help, right? (I got a BFN this morning but I'm only 10 dpo). Okay, vent over.

I am the world's worst blogger

Yes, I've been horrible about keeping up. Sorry to the 5 people who actually follow my blog, you've probably given up on me. So what's been happening for the last month? Let's review.

Country Concert 2010My mom and I have been going to this concert for 10 years now. We always have a great time watching all the crazy people and we get to bond. I could live without the nasty port-a-potties, but it wouldn't be the same without them. I am so lucky to be able to do this with my mom each year.

Meeting a friend

An exciting event on my vacation was meeting my friend Kelly from TTCAL. We had a great dinner together. It was funny because this was our first real life meeting, but conversation flowed easily. I was sad I only had a little over an hour with her.

Vacation and the ankle fiasco
We just got back from our vacation to Texas. We had a great time, as we usually do together. But this vacation had some interesting twists. The day before we planned to leave, DH called and said he thought he broke his ankle. So he went to Urgent Care (it was Saturday) and got Xrays. They showed no break, and the doctor told him to just stay off of his ankle for a few days. So we took crutches with us and at the last minute decided to borrow a wheelchair from my grandparents. Thank goodness we took the chair! Anyone who's ever used crutches knows that they are a little painful, but they work. Welllll, you can't really sightsee in crutches. It's just too much. So after one attempt with crutches we decided to use the wheelchair. I thought that it wouldn't be difficult to push, I mean, people push them all the time. WRONG! It's a little different when you are pushing someone who is a lot heavier than you, and you go up and down uneven sidewalks and hills. It was hard, hard work, especially in the 100 degree weather. DH helped as much as he could but this particular chair wasn't really designed to be wheeled by the occupant. Also, I never paid much attention to things being handicapped accessible until now. I just assumed every building was because it was law. WRONG again. Most places are handicapped accessible, but not conveniently so. We would get places and then realize the ramp was on the other side of the building and have to go around. We would get places and their handicapped doors were broken. Many of the bars in different cities had steps at their entrance. The list goes on and on. All I can say now is that I really feel for wheelchair bound people and the challenges they face. I'm sorry I wasn't more aware of it before. So the chair was difficult, but we made it work. I burned a lot of calories, but I'm sure I made up for that by all the beer I drank every night. And DH's ankle never seemed to get any better despite him staying off of it all week.

When we got back, DH went to see his family doctor and then a podiatrist. Turns out, he has 2 torn ligaments and a chipped bone, an ankle injury similar to those who jump out of planes (which he's never done). He has to go to physical therapy and be off work for 6 weeks. We are not sure how his job is going to react to that, but hopefully everything will turn out okay. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Despite the ankle drama, we had a wonderful time together. I love my husband so much and I am so grateful we are able to take trips together.