Something really strange happened today. I hope you can keep up with me because it's a little complicated. Two of the three agencies we are working with post their birthmother information online (they give us a user name and password after we are active). One agency (we'll call them #1) only posts race, due date, and cost of adoption and then we call to get more info. The other (#2) posts more, including initials, age, and specifics about prenatal care and support in the adoption, and they call us if we are being considered. #1 is the agency currently showing us. We were given many details about the situation so we can make an informed decision, so I have more than a page of notes on the birthmother and birthfather for this situation.
I decided to get on agency #2's website today just to see if any new birthmothers had been posted. Imagine my surprise to see a situation that looked EXACTLY like the one we are currently being presented to with agency #1. I remember seeing this situation on agency #2's website several weeks ago, and I wondered why we hadn't been called because it fit our budget and preferences.
I decided to call agency #1 and let them know what I saw. I spoke with the our adoption coordinator for this situation and she said it was probably just a coincidence. She was very nice but pretty much dismissed me. Then she called back a few minutes later. She said "Wow, that is really strange, those details are the same as our birthmother's even down to the initials and age." She did say that sometimes agency #2 will post information about a birthmother as soon as they get an application- before they've even started working with her. I'm hoping that's the case and this birthmother applied with both agency but just decided to go with agency #1 instead. Agency #1 assured me that they are looking into it and will get to the bottom of what's going on. Our coordinator didn't say that we haven't been chosen, so I'm assuming the birthmother is still looking at all the profiles and we haven't been ruled out.
Phew. Hope that makes sense. I feel a little uneasy now......
UPDATE: Our coordinator, who's been wonderful, called again last night to let me know what's going. They went and talked to the birthmother yesterday. Apparently she applied at agency #2, but didn't feel as comfortable there so she never pursued it. Agency #1 and #2 use the same doctors so agency #1 did check with the doctors to make sure birthmother hasn't been in with more than one agency. I'm glad this is settled, but it makes me question agency #2. Why are they putting her information on their website if the birthmother isn't fully committed to work with them? I don't understand that. But the coordinator did say that birthmother has looked at profiles, but she is waiting to talk with birthfather so they can make a final decision. So we are still "in the running." To be honest, I'm just waiting for the phone call that we weren't chosen. I just can't imagine that we'd actually get a baby......
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Our first showing!
That title makes it sound like we're selling our house or something.
So I was wallowing pretty deep in my own self-pity on Saturday when my phone rang. It was one of the agencies calling to see if we'd be interested in being shown to a birth mother. They call it a "situation" so that's what I will call it from here on. We've had to turn down several situations because they were just way over our budget. This one is within our budget (at the top-but doable) and the information we were given was very positive. The agency tries to give us as much info on the birth parents as possible before we make the decision to be shown, because if she chooses us once we're shown, we can't back out. DH is much more cautious than me, so we had a long talk about this. At first he was reluctant, but then we sat and discussed the reasons we would say no, and they really weren't all that valid. I keep telling myself "If this isn't meant to be our baby, then she won't pick us." So we are being shown tomorrow morning. I know the birth parents will see several profiles so there is only a small chance they will choose us, but I can't help being excited. Just the fact that we're considered means we meet some of their initial preferences. I'm also terrified. This could actually happen! The agency will let us know either way in about a week. If you could spare any positive thoughts, DH and I would really appreciate them.
So I was wallowing pretty deep in my own self-pity on Saturday when my phone rang. It was one of the agencies calling to see if we'd be interested in being shown to a birth mother. They call it a "situation" so that's what I will call it from here on. We've had to turn down several situations because they were just way over our budget. This one is within our budget (at the top-but doable) and the information we were given was very positive. The agency tries to give us as much info on the birth parents as possible before we make the decision to be shown, because if she chooses us once we're shown, we can't back out. DH is much more cautious than me, so we had a long talk about this. At first he was reluctant, but then we sat and discussed the reasons we would say no, and they really weren't all that valid. I keep telling myself "If this isn't meant to be our baby, then she won't pick us." So we are being shown tomorrow morning. I know the birth parents will see several profiles so there is only a small chance they will choose us, but I can't help being excited. Just the fact that we're considered means we meet some of their initial preferences. I'm also terrified. This could actually happen! The agency will let us know either way in about a week. If you could spare any positive thoughts, DH and I would really appreciate them.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Waiting for a change
You are all invited to my pity party. I've been throwing it for myself for about two weeks. With the holidays coming I just can't seem to get out of my funk. DH and I went out after Halloween to check out the decorations and costumes the stores had marked down. I remember last year thinking that next year hopefully we would be able to look at kid's costumes. It's next year. And I still couldn't look at kid's costumes. That really got to me, and with Christmas and New Year's coming up I can't help but think nothing has changed. We still don't have a baby. I really just want to crawl into a hole and come out in February, because my birthday is in January and last year I turned 30. Again, I thought my 31st birthday would surely be different different. January will be here before I know it and things aren't looking good.
I try to remind myself that we have come a long way. We jumped through countless hoops to complete our home study and also to be active with our agencies. But actually holding my own baby just seems so far away. Honestly, it seems impossible. I was shopping a friend's baby registry online the other day (actually going into a baby store may be the end of me). So I was looking through the things she and her husband and registered for, and while I'm thrilled for her, it just feels like my DH and I will never get to do that. Will we ever get to pick out a crib? Can we pick out a stroller and car seat? Don't even get me started on baby names..... that will never happen. At least it feels that way.
Waaaahhh, waaaahh, waahh. I know. I should get over myself and stop throwing pity parties. I should be grateful for the wonderful family I do have. And I am. I am SO thankful for my husband, my wonderful family, my in-laws, and my friends. I am blessed with a great support system. I know that. But it's not enough. Those people can't give me a baby. A life with DH and I, just the two of us, is not the life I want. I love him so much, but it can't be the two of us forever. I was meant to be a mom. I'm just tired of waiting for our lives to change.
Screw you IF, you bitch. Who is this selfish, depressed person you turned me into? It isn't fair.
I try to remind myself that we have come a long way. We jumped through countless hoops to complete our home study and also to be active with our agencies. But actually holding my own baby just seems so far away. Honestly, it seems impossible. I was shopping a friend's baby registry online the other day (actually going into a baby store may be the end of me). So I was looking through the things she and her husband and registered for, and while I'm thrilled for her, it just feels like my DH and I will never get to do that. Will we ever get to pick out a crib? Can we pick out a stroller and car seat? Don't even get me started on baby names..... that will never happen. At least it feels that way.
Waaaahhh, waaaahh, waahh. I know. I should get over myself and stop throwing pity parties. I should be grateful for the wonderful family I do have. And I am. I am SO thankful for my husband, my wonderful family, my in-laws, and my friends. I am blessed with a great support system. I know that. But it's not enough. Those people can't give me a baby. A life with DH and I, just the two of us, is not the life I want. I love him so much, but it can't be the two of us forever. I was meant to be a mom. I'm just tired of waiting for our lives to change.
Screw you IF, you bitch. Who is this selfish, depressed person you turned me into? It isn't fair.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Broken
Halloween was really difficult for me. It's so hard to watch all the families and kids when I want that so bad for myself.
I was planning to write a longer post, but I just don't have it in me.
"There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
Truth is I'm barely hanging on."
--Audrey's Song by Selah
I was planning to write a longer post, but I just don't have it in me.
"There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
Truth is I'm barely hanging on."
--Audrey's Song by Selah
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Crap. This already sucks.
We are now active with all 3 agencies and 1 attorney! When I first got our home study packet back in July, I cried because I was so overwhelmed with all the hoops and paperwork and requirements. I never thought we would get to this point. Here we are. But...
Waiting sucks. Big time.
This is the hardest part so far, and it's only been a week. I guess with all the home study requirements and applications I felt more useful because we were actually doing something. Now we're doing nothing....but waiting.
Since becoming active, we've received info on two birthmothers. Once we see the info, we let the agency know if we are interested in having our profile shown and then the birthmother will choose from there. The first situation we had to turn down because it was over our budget, and the second we had to say no because it involved extended travel. I know it's only a couple of weeks and I should be glad that we are already getting birthmother info. I just can't help being discouraged and wondering if we will ever get our baby. In December it will be two years since my BFP. Two years later and still no family. I never imagined we'd be waiting this long or that having a family would be so hard. I really don't want to go through another holiday season childless. Last weekend I took my dog to a costume contest and pet parade. It was a lot of fun, but I can't help being sad when I see all the kids dressed up in their costumes. When will it be my turn to buy kid's costumes? My poor dog now has six Halloween costumes.......
Recently on SNL it was said said that dressing up your dog is a way to tell your neighbors you can't have kids. Screw you Seth. You have no idea what IF is like and you can kiss my ass. Besides, my dog is damn cute dressed up, isn't she? Here she is struttin' her stuff in the parade. Notice the pom-poms- my husband sewed them!
Waiting sucks. Big time.
This is the hardest part so far, and it's only been a week. I guess with all the home study requirements and applications I felt more useful because we were actually doing something. Now we're doing nothing....but waiting.
Since becoming active, we've received info on two birthmothers. Once we see the info, we let the agency know if we are interested in having our profile shown and then the birthmother will choose from there. The first situation we had to turn down because it was over our budget, and the second we had to say no because it involved extended travel. I know it's only a couple of weeks and I should be glad that we are already getting birthmother info. I just can't help being discouraged and wondering if we will ever get our baby. In December it will be two years since my BFP. Two years later and still no family. I never imagined we'd be waiting this long or that having a family would be so hard. I really don't want to go through another holiday season childless. Last weekend I took my dog to a costume contest and pet parade. It was a lot of fun, but I can't help being sad when I see all the kids dressed up in their costumes. When will it be my turn to buy kid's costumes? My poor dog now has six Halloween costumes.......
Recently on SNL it was said said that dressing up your dog is a way to tell your neighbors you can't have kids. Screw you Seth. You have no idea what IF is like and you can kiss my ass. Besides, my dog is damn cute dressed up, isn't she? Here she is struttin' her stuff in the parade. Notice the pom-poms- my husband sewed them!
Sorry girl, we will never stop dressing you up, even if we do eventually get our baby. You're too cute!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Almost there
We are now active with 2 of our 3 agencies!!! Finally! I didn't think we'd get to this point, ever. There were some frustrations during the last week though.
One agency emailed and said they did not have a letter from one of our references. I knew that this person sent her reference because I bugged her (in a friendly way, of course!) about sending it and she ended up texting me a picture of her stamped envelope the day she mailed it so I would leave her alone. So I knew either the post office or the agency made a mistake. Luckily, the agency allowed her to fax another copy, so that didn't hold us up long.
The same day my friend faxed her copy of the "lost" letter, I called one of the other agencies because I hadn't heard from them after I sent the copies of our background checks. The woman I spoke with said she hadn't received the background checks yet. Inside I immediately freaked, but I told her (in my friendliest voice) that I had delivery confirmation from the post office that the paperwork had arrived a week ago. She hung up to look for it, then called back about 5 minutes later to apologize and let me know she had located it. Phew! I was really about to blow up after that one, because I knew it had been delivered.
I don't mean to criticize either agency. I know they receive a lot of paperwork and are very busy. I know I'm not their #1 priority. I was just getting so frustrated because it seemed like every time I thought we were finished they would ask for something else. The 3rd agency called today for a phone interview. We are approved, but still have to go through an official approval by an agency committee. We should be active by the end of the week.
The hardest part in the next several months will be waiting. I'm trying to focus on searching/applying for grants, and finding a fundraiser for us. DH still isn't sold on the fundraising idea. I'm searching for something we can do or sell online. DH's fear is that people will feel obligated. I don't want anyone to feel obligated, and I also hope the idea of a fundraiser doesn't offend anyone. My friend S, who brought her son home in July through adoption, sold T-shirts from Adoption Bug. I've checked those out and most of them are scripture shirts. S and her husband are both pastors so that was perfect for them, but I'm not sure it really "fits" our family and friends. I don't know. I go back and forth on the whole fundraising idea. If you have any ideas, feel free to comment and let me know.
::looks up at ticker:: It took almost 5 months to get to the active point. And I haven't put anything off, I've been working through things as fast as I can. There is nothing quick or easy about adoption. So if you EVER hear anyone say to "just adopt" please respond appropriately with anger...
One agency emailed and said they did not have a letter from one of our references. I knew that this person sent her reference because I bugged her (in a friendly way, of course!) about sending it and she ended up texting me a picture of her stamped envelope the day she mailed it so I would leave her alone. So I knew either the post office or the agency made a mistake. Luckily, the agency allowed her to fax another copy, so that didn't hold us up long.
The same day my friend faxed her copy of the "lost" letter, I called one of the other agencies because I hadn't heard from them after I sent the copies of our background checks. The woman I spoke with said she hadn't received the background checks yet. Inside I immediately freaked, but I told her (in my friendliest voice) that I had delivery confirmation from the post office that the paperwork had arrived a week ago. She hung up to look for it, then called back about 5 minutes later to apologize and let me know she had located it. Phew! I was really about to blow up after that one, because I knew it had been delivered.
I don't mean to criticize either agency. I know they receive a lot of paperwork and are very busy. I know I'm not their #1 priority. I was just getting so frustrated because it seemed like every time I thought we were finished they would ask for something else. The 3rd agency called today for a phone interview. We are approved, but still have to go through an official approval by an agency committee. We should be active by the end of the week.
The hardest part in the next several months will be waiting. I'm trying to focus on searching/applying for grants, and finding a fundraiser for us. DH still isn't sold on the fundraising idea. I'm searching for something we can do or sell online. DH's fear is that people will feel obligated. I don't want anyone to feel obligated, and I also hope the idea of a fundraiser doesn't offend anyone. My friend S, who brought her son home in July through adoption, sold T-shirts from Adoption Bug. I've checked those out and most of them are scripture shirts. S and her husband are both pastors so that was perfect for them, but I'm not sure it really "fits" our family and friends. I don't know. I go back and forth on the whole fundraising idea. If you have any ideas, feel free to comment and let me know.
::looks up at ticker:: It took almost 5 months to get to the active point. And I haven't put anything off, I've been working through things as fast as I can. There is nothing quick or easy about adoption. So if you EVER hear anyone say to "just adopt" please respond appropriately with anger...
Friday, October 7, 2011
The Waiting Game
::taps fingers impatiently:: I am a very patient person, considering I'm second grade teacher. I guess my patience is only applicable to certain situations, because waiting for these agencies is driving me crazy! I sent all the applications out on September 20. I thought my first emotion would be excitement, but honestly as soon as I put the boxes in the mail receptacle I was filled with fear. I'm not afraid of taking care of a baby. I can't wait for DH and I to be parents. I'm just afraid of everything that may come up during the adoption process. The birth mother may change her mind, we may be matched in a situation that ends up being over our budget, we have to wait 6 months to finalize once we get back to Ohio, etc., etc., etc. So many hurdles along the way.
Just like I thought the home study process would never end, I really feel like the matching process will never begin. I mailed everything September 20. The agencies received them September 23 (not that I checked the USPS website like a crazy person or anything), and on September 26 I was contacted by all 3 agencies. They all need official copies of our background checks and child abuse clearances. Stupid me, I thought that was included in the home study. It is referenced in the home study that we are clear and those were completed, but I had to call our home study agency to get the actual documents. More waiting. So I received the documents October 1, then mailed them to the agencies Oct 2. They received them Oct 5. Again, not that I checked the USPS website like a crazy person. So now I'm just waiting for the agencies to contact me again to say we are active. All 3 said everything was in order except these missing documents. Umm, it's Oct 7. Don't these people know how hard it is to wait?? (honestly I know they are busy and I'm not number one on their list, but wouldn't it be nice if I were?)
We did have a conference call with the attorney in Florida we are signed up with. He doesn't do that many adoptions each year, so theoretically our wait time with him will be much longer. However, if we match with him it will end up costing less than $15k. Also, traveling to Florida sounds so much better than traveling to Utah. So I sent him our profile on Oct 4, delivery confirmed Oct 6. We should be active with him by next week.
So here we go. The waiting game is just beginning, because once we are active we have to wait for a match. Once we are matched we have to wait for a birth. After the birth we have to wait for the birth mother to sign. After that we have to wait 6 months to finalize.
Did I mention we wanted a baby like, years ago?????
Just like I thought the home study process would never end, I really feel like the matching process will never begin. I mailed everything September 20. The agencies received them September 23 (not that I checked the USPS website like a crazy person or anything), and on September 26 I was contacted by all 3 agencies. They all need official copies of our background checks and child abuse clearances. Stupid me, I thought that was included in the home study. It is referenced in the home study that we are clear and those were completed, but I had to call our home study agency to get the actual documents. More waiting. So I received the documents October 1, then mailed them to the agencies Oct 2. They received them Oct 5. Again, not that I checked the USPS website like a crazy person. So now I'm just waiting for the agencies to contact me again to say we are active. All 3 said everything was in order except these missing documents. Umm, it's Oct 7. Don't these people know how hard it is to wait?? (honestly I know they are busy and I'm not number one on their list, but wouldn't it be nice if I were?)
We did have a conference call with the attorney in Florida we are signed up with. He doesn't do that many adoptions each year, so theoretically our wait time with him will be much longer. However, if we match with him it will end up costing less than $15k. Also, traveling to Florida sounds so much better than traveling to Utah. So I sent him our profile on Oct 4, delivery confirmed Oct 6. We should be active with him by next week.
So here we go. The waiting game is just beginning, because once we are active we have to wait for a match. Once we are matched we have to wait for a birth. After the birth we have to wait for the birth mother to sign. After that we have to wait 6 months to finalize.
Did I mention we wanted a baby like, years ago?????
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