Dear Sadie

Tomorrow you will turn one. I can't believe it.

There was a time I didn't think I would be a mom at all. Then our plans changed and I thought I would become a mom through the gift of adoption. Then came a positive pregnancy test that was so unexpected and unbelievable. I worried about you when you were growing inside me. I loved being pregnant with you, but I was so scared that you would be taken away from me. Then you were here, and all the worry melted away. Hearing your first cry and seeing your daddy's face as he held you made my heart so full it could burst. I would relive that moment a thousand times if I could.

Part of me is sad you are turning one because I miss cuddling with my little, squishy baby. But a bigger part of me loves the wonderful little person you have become. Jabbering and moving and playing and into something new each day. You are so much fun. I love hearing your laugh and seeing your beautiful smile.

Tonight as I nursed you before bed I thought of our first night home from the hospital. You were up almost all night nursing. The next day I remember crying- telling my mom and my friends that I didn't think I could do it. But I did it. We did it. You are a wiggly, busy nurser now, and can't be bothered to sit still for more than 10 minutes, but I am so glad I still have my snuggle time with you.

I put you to bed tonight as a baby, tomorrow you will be a toddler. But you will always be my sweet, miracle baby no matter how fast the years pass. I love you so much, baby girl. Thank you for healing my heart.