Merry effing Christmas

It's the most wonderful time of the year, right???? Yeah. I can't even listen to Christmas music. I can't do anything Christmas related without thinking about this time last year when I thought I was getting the best gift ever. I just want it all to go away. I never thought a year would go by and I wouldn't be pregnant. DH and I are moving forward though. His SA results were not so good, so he's seeing a urologist and I'm having another laparoscopic surgery done to check for any endometriosis that might be back. My OB is also going to do an HSG to see if my tubes are open. Then I guess we'll see what's next. I'm hesitant to see an RE yet because of cost. Obviously, I want my baby no matter what the cost but I also want to pursue everything I can with my OB before we starting spending out of pocket on fertility specialists. DH has to pay a $150 consultation fee to see the urologist, which I've heard from my fellow bitters is a bargain. He thinks this is outrageous. Just wait, I told him. Hopefully he'll have some good answers for us. More waiting. I'm really tired of this lesson in patience, universe. I don't need any more tests.